The Bookshelf: Old Friends

In this brand-spanking new series here on M&M, I'll just be chatting about what I'm currently reading, what I've tossed aside, or what books I've recently picked up--generally what is on my bookshelf. I love talking about books, and I enjoy reading, although these days I don't read as much as I would like, and so I thought I'd do a little blurb about what I'm currently, or just recently read, or what I hope to read soon, to hopefully spark some interest. With that said, I've been all about revisiting old friends this month--either authors of whom I'm a fan, or just books that have been spending way to much time on my shelves without me even breaking their spines. I'm trying to do more reading since it IS summer vacation, and so I present you...

The Book of Images by Rainer Maria Rilke

This is a book I only just got around to reading after having purchased it from the Elliott Bay Book Company the last time I was in Seattle... 5 years ago. This poor book has sat in my "unread" section of my bookcase all that time, despite me picking it up on several occasions with the honest intent on reading it. In college, when I was toying with the idea of majoring or at least minoring in comparative literature, Rilke was one of the authors I was exposed to early on and took an immediate liking to his poetry. One of the greatest banes of my existence is that I never learned German, and so I can never fully experience the Rilke's poetry the way it was intended, nevertheless, I still think there is some magic found in the translations. What is so appealing is that there is just something sort of nostalgic and wistful in the way Rilke writes. I am a firm believer in having books come to you at the right time and even though it may have taken 5 years, the timing was perfect for me to be in the right place in my life to appreciate this collection.

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

I had been waiting to read Eleanor & Park for what seems like ages upon ages now. I am such a lover of YA fiction, and had heart just so much about this book from freaking everybody and I was greedy to get my hands on it. I finally picked it up back in November--along with Rowell's Fangirl and John Green's The Fault in our Stars--and while I plowed through the other 2 novels, I kept putting off Eleanor & Park. Granted, work picked up again and I was extremely busy, but also I just, again, wasn't in the mood for this particular kind of story of a young star-crossed lovers in the flush of their first love. But as soon as school let out for the summer, I found it was the best beach read for me. I have to say, though, that it wasn't as good as the hype made it out to be. Maybe I just had a lot of expectations going in, especially having delayed reading it for months which just allowed all those expectations to fester, but I felt like bot Park and especially Eleanor were two-dimensional for me--which I know is saying a lot given the storyline. There were plenty of good, bordering on great, moments, but on the whole it was just not as amazing as I thought it would be.

Wind, Sand and Stars by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The author of this next book may be familiar to you, and it's probably because he is the author of the insanely popular and most beloved Little Prince. Yes, the little prince from the planet of endless sunsets, and a rose without a thorn, and the sheep without muzzles, and the countless laughing stars. de Saint-Exupery's writing has always enchanted me because it's so evocative yet deceivingly simple, and just so beautiful. de Saint-Exupery, beyond being a gifted writer, was also a pilot, and Wind, Sand and Star is a memoir of his crash landing and survival in the Saharan desert. I've only just cracked into Wind, Sand and Stars but already I'm yearning for adventure and far off spaces.

Neither Here Nor There by Bill Bryson

Bill Bryson's work is an old friend of mine, having read his other travel novel about living in England, Notes from a Small Island, and since I've been having just the worst hunger pains for travel in Europe recently, I thought the next best thing (probably not though) would be to read about it. In Neither Here Nor There, Bryson retraces his steps across Europe from a trip 20 years prior which takes him from the most Northeastern city in Europe to the straits of the bosphorous in Istanbul, and is full of tons of enough quirky and charming anecdotes to make a person pick up a backpack and made the same pilgrimage.

What are you reading?

La Roja: A Love Story

We are in the thick of the World Cup, the only time in 4 years that Americans seem to even care about the sport, and so it comes as no surprise that I am frequently asked how I grew interested in the sport, and why, of all teams, I support Spain.

And I totally get it. I am not, upon first impression and later admission, someone who seems to care about sports at all. Being from San Diego, it's not like our home teams were something to brag about--sorry to say, please don't revoke my membership. I have never been an athlete and only played sports when they were required of us during P.E. classes in school. I never participate in office pools, can't remember the last time I went to a football/basketball/baseball game, and generally have no idea what is going on in American sports.

So when Le Roja steps onto the pitch, it seems the oddest thing in the world that I would be glued to a TV, jersey on, and ready to yell at every dive or celebrate every goal. I was so excited for the World Cup, I made a schedule of the matches and put them into my calendar. I even made a bracket, for crying out loud. On my social media outlets, I have not tried to hide how much I was anticipating the start of this tournament.

But is my love of the beautiful game merely affectation? A desire to separate myself from my American upbringing and claim rank with the rest of the world where football–the game of football–is the most popular sport? To be "different" from my peers? Is it because soccer/football players are "so hot?"

Tapas & Spain's first match of the
World Cup 2014.

And what about my preferences for club Real Madrid and country Spain? Many people will say that it's easy to love Spain's national team or that Real Madrid is an easy choice--they are champions, they are on top of the game, and doesn't everyone like to win? It's easy to support a team when they give you bragging rights, when they serve up championships like cake, when you get to ride those feel-good vibes of victory and success.

But the answer to these two questions are much simpler than that.

It was 2005 and I took my first flight into Europe--to Paris of all places--to meet my sister who was working abroad in Spain. After a trying few days in France, we made it to Madrid, where she was living. And it was in this beautiful country and this wonderful city, that I was...initiated, in the best possible way, to football.

And it was different than how I had seen the game played in the US, and the just die hard passion of the fans overwhelmed me. It was intoxicating to get caught up in the frenetic energy of the sport and the players and the fans. And the game, the game was simply beautiful. As cliche as it may sound, there really isn't another world that can adequately describe everything that the sport is. It was stunning to see.

Being in Madrid at the time, and with a certain forceful and insistent crowd, it was an easy choice to support Real Madrid. But if I had made my selection not based on the purest of intentions, then my decision to continue to support that team, even in the many years that have passed since I last step foot in that city, stems from the gratitude and the memory of what that city gave to me, what that country showed me, that first time I ventured into Europe.

That said, the last several years have been spectacular to witness as a fan of La Furia Roja. I have seen this "golden generation," this dynasty of kings, stamp their dominance of the game across the globe, have seen them seal their destinies under the weight of trophies, have seen them celebrate their victories in clouds of confetti. And more than that, what they have brought to the game is nothing short of spectacular.

And now that they are leaving the World Cup--the defending champions exiting at the group stage--there is talk about what this means for the team moving forward, about the defeat of tiki taka, of the end of an era. As a fan, it has been nothing short of heart-wrenching to see La Roja play like they did, because I knew they were capable of so so so much more. It wasn't supposed to end this way for them. It was tragic in every sense of the word. The only bright spot was today's final match against Australia, where we finally got a glimpse of what they were able to do. Some may say, a spark of their former selves.

But putting off all the questions about the future for La Roja, today's match was all about giving a proper send off for these players, this incredible group of athletes who have defined world-class soccer/football for this generation. Emotions of a different sort ran high this match, and for good reason. Because it wasn't just that Spain leaving the World Cup much sooner than anticipated, but because so many of these very players would never again play for Spain, would never step foot again on a pitch at the World Cup. After dominating the field, literally, for so many years, this roster of players would ever be seen together as a team again. In that respect only, it was an end of an era.

David Villa, for example, played his last match of his life for Spain, retiring from the international play, and after scoring Spain's first goal of the tournament, left the pitch in tears.

            

 

Many people, I know, are happy with Spain's loss. They want a new game, a new team at the top, and I completely understand that. Will them losing the World Cup make a difference in my support for them? Not at all. Now that Spain once again have something to prove, I believe this is a great opportunity for their growth. I am looking forward to the next Euro Cup.

In the meantime, I am just so grateful that I have been able to witness La Roja's greatness these last several years. They are a team that holds so much significance for me, and I support them with great affection. This is not the end--definitely not the end of an era--but a new beginning.

For me, they will always be kings. Gracias Por Todo. VIVA LA FURIA ROJA!

Favorite Things: May

I'm back with a new series here on M & M: my monthly favorite things. Basically I will give a list of my list of favorite things of the month in a variety of categories. For May I experimented a lot with new products, especially for skin and makeup not only because of the change in seasons, but because I've been trying to find more products to replace my Korean ones. If you notice, there's not a book category as I'll be doing that separately :) Here we go...

Kpop Corner #2: Running Man

For this installment of the Kpop Corner, I thought I'd bring you a much loved, and personal favorite, genre of the Korean entertainment line-up: the variety show. In the US, I'm not sure we have an equivalent type of show--one the combines "reality" type programming that is non-survival, non-marriage binding, non-7 strangers picked to live in a house, with comedic situations. Although Korean variety shows don't send people home every week, they don't abandon their cast naked and alone in remote parts of the world, they also are not a game show in a traditional sense (although there are certainly games involved). Let me put this a different way.

Korean variety shows typically have a set cast and often have "guest" stars join them each week. The show, is both real and scripted. The producers will structure and plan for certain things to happen, whether it be assigning missions/challenges to the cast or setting up a ridiculous situation, but the best variety shows rely not on the schemes that the producers cook up, but on the comedic timing and relationships of its cast.

An example of a popular variety show is Running Man, not to be confused with the popular 80's dance step. In this variety show, which was initially billed as "urban action variety," the cast is met with a series of challenges that they must complete in order to obtain final victory--whether as the last person standing, winning a prize, or just plain old bragging rights.

In this clip, a simple game of rock paper scissors is anything but, with the losing team being launched in the air and into a swimming pool via a catapult contraption, but like all competitions on Running Man, it's all in the spirit of good fun.


[EngSub] Running Man Ep.147 Part 1_2 (Kim Soo... by movie-trailers4you

But the highlight of Running Man has to be the "name tag ripping game," a hilarious adult version of "hide and go seek" meets "capture the flag," which involves battling members of opposite teams to rip off their name tag attached to the back of their shirts in order to get the "out" of the game.


These are shows that make you laugh, and sometimes cry, as you grow increasingly attached to the cast members with each passing week. Watching the cast and their antics, seeing what kind of hilarious situations they find themselves in each week, and what kind of games they'll play, is worth watching. And, I don't know about you, but I would love to participate in Running Man's games! In short, it's a damn good time.

Ask Me Anything!

(Or almost anything)

here--> ask.fm/perangtang

The Comeback 2014

Things have changed since I started this blog as a way to sort out all that I was mentally and emotionally going through in the wake of returning to America & attempting to be an adult. I no longer have this crippling worry about fitting in or then over-compensate for my anxiety. And while I still think about Seoul from time to time, it is not with that deep longing and heartache as if I might have made a wrong decision in returning home. I am mostly a functioning adult with my mind firmly set in the present and near future.

All in all, things are good.

And so I feel like I'm in a good space to return to the blogging world. I know this blog has been neglected for most of this year, largely due to the fact that instead of blogging, I've been journaling. I didn't make any firm resolutions this year, but one thing that I wanted to get in the habit of is journaling more often. I like the idea of me writing books about my life--if only for me and to be read by me. As I get older, I've found that my memory isn't as dependable as it once was, and that I being able to reference an event or a time in my life in my journals is useful in keeping my mind right. It's also nice to revisit with myself from ages past, and I think it's also useful in seeing what personal developments, if any, I've made. I know that I could also do that with a blog, and have quite often done so in the past, but as a blog is, by definition, a public thing, I am not always forthcoming on my posts, and sometimes what's needed in a moment isn't a well-planned and executed blog post but a long rambling tirade of emotions that can happen in the privacy of your journal. I have little doubt that my journaling this year has helped me see my life in certain ways and focus my attention on the things I wanted to change.

So now that I'm in a much better place than I was last year, consider this my comeback. I've thought of a lot of different things of this blog during my hiatus, and I'm excited to get to them.

K-pop Corner #1: Akdong Musician

I know I've been neglecting this blog (for reasons) but I'm going to try and ease into blogging once more. I find that after a long hiatus, I come back to my blogs with renewed enthusiasm. And with that in mind, I'm presenting this new series on my blog called "K-pop Corner" where, bi-monthly, I will introduce some (hopefully) interesting piece of k-pop to all your inquiring minds. It may be something as simple as a song, a short video from a variety show, a trailer for an upcoming movie, or something of the kind. There is just so much to k-pop besides Psy & "Gangnam Style" and the aim of this series is just to broaden the horizons a bit on what else K-pop has to offer. Think of me as your K-pop ambassador, if you will.

 For this inaugural post of "K-pop Corner" I decided, after much a long debate with myself, to go with something a little more accessible and familiar, but not lacking in punch. I give you the talented sister-brother, singer-songwriter teenage duo, Akdong Musician.

 
The siblings (Lee Soo-hyun + Lee Chan-hyuk) first came to the public's attention when they competed in the second season of a talent survival program (similar to American Idol) called K-Pop Star in 2012-2013. They were a favorite to win, capturing judges and audience votes with their combination of clever lyrics, skillful composition, unique voices, and just over all adorableness. After winning the competition, Akdong Musician signed with one of the "Big 3" entertainment agencies in South Korea, YG Entertainment, and have recently released their debut album entitled "Play."

The album is fresh with a whimsical youthful sound that seems to embody all that Akdong Musician is. But don't be fooled; behind those child-like smiles and serious musicians are singers with talent and skill in excess. "Play" consists of 11 songs, all of which were produced, composed, and written by Chan-hyuk, who is a mere 18 years of age, by the way. Just because Akdong Musician are young and want to capitalize on the essence of being young, doesn't mean there is anything juvenile or childish in the music they are producing. And while the entire album is A+ in my book, I narrowed my selection to 2 of their songs (I couldn't pick just one) that just so happen to be their title tracks.

The first, the up-beat, incredibly delightful "200%" that perfectly captures the flush of feeling for a young love:


And to prove that young doesn't necessarily mean unperceptive, "Melted" demonstrates a more serious turn for the duo and seems to express that pivotal moment between adolescence and adulthood, where one questions why the world of adults is so cold compared to the warmth of youth. When Soo-hyun asks, "Why is ice so cold?" (a play on the words for "ice" and "adults"), it is a question that lingers with you as much as her hauntingly beautiful voices does:


What I love so much about Akdong Musician is that they occupy such a unique niche in mainstream k-pop. They're almost indie, but not quite. They're mainstream, but they're not an idol group. They have a ridiculous amount of autonomy when it comes to their music production, but they have the backing of a major record company. The result of all of that is presence of otherness in mainstream k-pop--a slightly different sound, a slightly different look--than what is pumped out of the k-pop factories. But all of that aside, I just really enjoy Akdong Musician's music. "Play" is their first musical offering, and if it is any indication of what we can expect from the Lee siblings in the future, they'll be around of a long time yet.

As an added bonus, here is the duo performing their original song, "Don't Cross Your Legs" (다리꼬지마) from their days on K-pop Star:


[ROM/HANGUL/ENG] 악동뮤지션 (AKDONG Musician) - 다리꼬지마 (Don't cross your legs) Live from Joel Ramirez on Vimeo.
Their album is available on iTunes for purchase.

I Left My Heart In Seoul

My most favorite Oppa (and only oppa lets be real) is getting married! I could not be more happy for him and his fiancee. The wedding looks like it will be in October of this year in SEOUL. While I was thinking about making a return trip to Korea next year, I certainly don't mind going sooner than that. I'm seriously too excited over the prospect of being in Korea in 6 months that I can't think of anything else. (But to be honest, I've got a lot of things to do this year w/friend's baby + bridal showers that I don't know if I can go to Korea this year < /3)

Winter Wonderland Tag

Something a bit different on the blog today, a tag video! I recorded this a bunch of times on different days because I was never satisfied with the result, but after 3 days of this I gave up and what you see is the best of the bunch lol.

I tag, Ashley, Andrea (& Mike) and Olivia! All of their blogs are linked on the sidebar under "Favs." :)

News Flash: I Miss My Language Partner!

Since I'm back in CA and have time to spare these days, I've been wanting to get back into studying and learning Korean. I don't really want to pay to take classes in an extension program ($$$$) and I don't really want to go to an academy-type of language institute, so I thought I might partake in an language exchange meetup.

Lets just say that after trying it out twice, I came home and immediately messaged my old language partner (이상형) from Korea. I met some very nice people who were extremely welcoming and fun, but I'm just not sure a group language exchange is what I need right now. And not to say that my LP is replaceable by any means, but I'm only just now fully appreciating our study situation and really how well it turned out. I definitely appreciated my LP before, and thought it was pretty lucky that we got along so well as people, but now I'm appreciating just how well we got along as language partners. I just didn't think it would be this difficult to find a compatible language partner.

An example of this compatibility issue can be seen in something as small as the choice to speak formally or informally to one another. Last night, after asking the ever important age question, a Korean male found out that I am actually older than him. He was surprised because he thought for sure that he was "oppa" to me. Suddenly, he rejected my older status and decided that he would be the older of us so I should call him "oppa." After I put up a fight because lets be serious that doesn't even make sense and to be honest I HATE using the world "oppa," he then made the suggestion that we should be same-age friends to speak informally.  

I don't know if this is an issue now that I'm the native speaker of the host country (instead of vice versa when I was studying in Korea), and that the culture/group has promoted speaking informally, or that the Korean students studying here want become closer to Americans, or what, but generally, I'm not someone who uses informal language with people without reason--especially not with someone I just met.

Compare that situation to my old LP. LP and I are actually same-age friends, but we spoke to each other formally for a good while before we switched to informal language. And that's because we got closer to each other as friends and felt more comfortable, so it made sense.

I think I just like to reserve informal language for people who are really close to me--I like for it to have meaning, and since I don't use it freely, when I do use informal language with someone, it really conveys the feeling of closeness, on my end at least. Likewise, the only people I like to call "oppa" are guys who 1) are actually older than me, and 2) I have that close relationship with. It's not just a superfluous "oppa-dongsaeng" relationship.

Call me picky, but that's just how I roll. #kanyeshrug But apparently its not just me. LP is having a hard time getting a new language partner on his end as well. In the end, we agreed that we'll never find better language partners than each other.

He also said "you must miss me," and then I responded, "ㅇㅇ 보고싶어" because its true and I'm glad we still keep in contact and that I can interrupt him while he's at work to complain about my life and that I speak to him in 반말 because I don't usually speak to others informally and that I accept him speaking in 반말 to me because generally I don't like when others speak to me informally.

So it looks like its back to more k-dramas in the meantime, and then enrolling in a class sometime after the start of the spring semester. I'm toying with the idea of introducing him to an acquaintance in Korea who expressed not only wanting a Korean language exchange partner, but explicitly said she wanted him as a partner. LP was pretty famous on my seoul blog and I never got more comments or likes on any posts as much as I did when I blogged about him. Except that I selfishly don't want him to replace me haha. I'll get over it though, because I do want good things for him. I just need to make sure this girl isn't crazy and will treat him right (I sound like his mother).

On Taking That First Step Towards Adventure

Not too long ago, I made a post over at heartmindnseoul to kind of close things out there. I hated the open-ended feeling that blog had, and to be honest, I had been planning on writing so sort of "6 months later/ 1 year later" type of post, and the timing was right this past week so I thought why not. And while I'm always surprised to get any kind of response at all, I was completely shocked to get what I can easily say is the nicest comment I've ever received from a blog. It was humbling and sweet because much as I like to say that I blog for my personal needs, the public nature of blogging lends itself to an audience and it's nice when someone takes notice. <3

But more than just saying some very nice things about my seoul blog, she had this to ask me:

The heartache to which she refers was described in a several long and emotionally-wrecked posts I wrote about knowing that I needed to leave Seoul, but that in doing so I would be breaking my own heart. I thought I would share my response to this question because it's not always easy taking that first step into the unknown.

I would just say, as a general rule of thumb, that getting outside of your comfort zone is always a good thing. Not only is it necessary, I feel, but also enlightening. Necessary because it forces a person to interact and experience the world in a way that they may not have even imagined or conceived of, and in that exchange with the world a person themselves becomes more aware of their humanity. Enlightening because it forces a person to grow and understand themselves in a whole new way. If we, as people, are the sum of our experiences, then we are better off having these out-of-comfort-zone-experiences than not--no matter what comes. In that sense, it is beneficial in two ways: the first for the general and universal human condition, and the second for our own personal growth and development. Thats how I see it at least.
 That is not to say that it is always easy. I've had really difficult moments where I've stepped out of my comfort zone and have been caught completely unprepared, or that somehow the situation turned out to be something completely different from what I expected--but I have never, ever regretted the decision and the choice to at least find out and explore an option. Even when things didn't work out for me, I learned something about myself that I didn't know before, and answered a question for myself. It is a comfort to know that the situation was settled and that I won't have to go through the rest of my life thinking about "what if" or questioning what my life would be like if I made other choices. I don't have to wonder because I know. And that, at the very least, is a great comfort.
 So, long story short, the answer to your question about whether the heartache I experienced leaving Seoul/Korea (and to a certain extent continue to feel) was worth it... the answer is yes. An absolute, clear, unequivocal and resounding YES.
 If you feel worried and afraid about taking the big step to move to Korea, I would say that it is completely normal. If you weren't at least a little bit nervous about it, then I would be worried. But the fact that you are says that it means something to you, and that is already a wonderful sign. I would like to say that it gets easier. And what I mean by that is with each out-of-your-comfort-zone experience, you gain so much and grow so much that suddenly what you found to be intimidating before no longer seems so. You're more prepared to handle situations that seem overwhelming to others. And the whole process, I truly believe, is just invaluable.
 

Thanksgiving 2013

It's been a few years since I've been able to celebrate Thanksgiving in a traditional way. When you live abroad, you just can't cook the way you do here in the states, and while that usually isn't a problem (and more often than not a benefit), when it gets to be the holidays you start craving the comforts of home. In Korea, generally speaking, Turkey is not generally found and that kinda puts a damper on your Thanksgiving plans if you're planning on celebrating it. The way my friends and I got around this issue was by having access to the U.S. military base in Seoul, which offers a basic Thanksgiving set from the lodge. It's so appreciated, but last Thanksgiving my friend Andrea and I definitely had to scramble to the convenient store downstairs to try and find something to make gravy out of (I think we used some canned soup and a hamburger meat + sauce meal that came in a packet, lol).

Thanksgiving 2012: Trying to open a bottle of wine + trying to make gravy. Seoul, South Korea.

So you can imagine that this year I was going to go all out with Thanksgiving (it's high ranking up there on my list of favorite holidays). Usually, I do a lot of the cooking, but this year I took it upon myself to cook everything.

• Turkey + Gravy
• Baked Ham
• Roasted Potatoes
• Corn
• Green Bean Casserole
• Sweet Potatoes
• Apple Stuffing
• Pumpkin Cheesecake

But then my mom decided last minute to make pasta and short ribs. It was a LOT of food, luckily it was more a long day of prep work and crossing things off one at a time than frantic cooking.

Woke up to a pink dawn :)

First casualty of the day. My knife skills are not what they used to be!

The beginnings of apple stuffing.

The beginnings of garlic rosemary roasted potatoes.

The end result of the baked ham.

Marshmellowssss

I tried to take pictures as I went along buy mostly I forgot kkkk and by the time I remembered everything was half eaten and looked like a group of wild savages had just destroyed everything and nobody wants to see pictures of that. I was just happy I was able to get everything done in a timely matter, and that, for the most part, everything tasted good. Or at least it did to me:) And more importantly, it was wonderful to spend the day with family and friends. Especially family. I hadn't seen some of my cousins since my sister's wedding last November, and even then, I was only in town for 3 days so I couldn't even spend quality time with them. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but they're all so grown up now and like, actual people. Bizarre.

And what better way to kick of the gift giving season than by Black Friday shopping? If I'm going to live the cliche, I might as well do it properly :)

To you and yours, wishing you a very happy Thanksgiving <3

Late Night Ramblings: Korea Blog

I recently went through the blog I kept during the two years I lived in Seoul, and I was struck by how lucky I am to have this time capsule of my time there. At the time, I knew I wanted to blog about Korea, and that I would someday be grateful that I took the time to try and document my life there. While I wasn't always the most faithful blogger, or the most creative, I did my best and as I went through my blog today I felt so happy that I had tried to capture my experiences there.

There were things that happened to me, or that I was a part of, that I had completely forgotten about. Little details, exchanges, that my brain had let slip through the cracks were all there. I found the videos I shot giving tours of my apartments, and suddenly those places were not longer just memories for me, but I was there, present in the moment and everything was exactly the way it was when I lived there.

That is such a special and wonderful thing to be able to do. I didn't realize just how much it would mean to me to have that blog to remind me, not only of the people and places I met and visited, but also of the person I used to be.

This blogging thing, it's not so bad.

And for the curious, my blog from Korea is heartmindnseoul.tumblr.com

Habemus Papam: On Pope Francis

I don't often bring my religious views into my blog posts, for reasons that I won't get into here, but I feel the need to share my thoughts on the newest Holy Father of the Catholic Church.

I should start off by saying that I am a practicing Catholic. Mostly practicing. I say that because there was a time in my life where I was more devout than I am now. Bi-monthly Reconciliation; weekly, sometimes daily, Mass; I was active in Bible study, small groups, volunteer projects, and YA ministry. I even toyed with the idea of entering religious life on a full-time basis, as a nun.

And while I no longer hold aspirations of one day adorning my head with a habit, and even as I struggle with my Faith more now than ever before, the Holy See and the Pope still play important roles in my life.

I know a lot of people, non-Catholic and Catholic alike, question the relationship between laypeople and the Pope. Yes, the sitting Pope is the leader of the Catholic church, we look to him for guidance, inspiration, and example. But what else? What more? I can't speak for everyone, because I think relationships, no matter what kind, remain fundamentally personal. And for sure the way I see and feel about popes is different from the way I view other positions of power, and the people who hold those positions. Say, POTUS. While I may feel a tentative allegiance to the president, it's not a relationship that is more than superficial. It is not at all personal.

It may come as a surprise to some that I can say clearly that I loved Pope John Paul II. I felt his passing away keenly, grieving and crying for days on end. I was 20 years old when he died, and I had never known another pope, had grown up with him my whole life, and I saw and felt him to be so much a tangible part of my life. Even now, I get emotional over his memory because, even though I had never met him, I knew him and had cultivated a personal relationship with him over the years. His death was real to me.

I have to say that I never really warmed to Pope Benedict XVI. I tried to get to know him, I did. I acknowledged him, certainly, but our relationship was distant. And while I wasn't pleased by the arrangement, as the years passed I was resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't have the same relationship with Benedict that I have with John Paul II.

But now a new pope sits on the chair at St. Peter's Basilica. Pope Francis has entered into his papacy by flipping it on its head. He's been very bold. And as I've watched and read and seen him in these, his still early days, I feel so much hope and joy. Already, I feel a profound affinity with Pope Francis, and something in me, my soul perhaps, feels lighter and more at peace. It's as if I had been on my spiritual own for so long, and now, again, finally, there's someone to help me and support me. I can't adequately put in words what it means to have a spiritual confidant, a friend, at the Vatican. And this is what the popes mean to me. I already love Pope Francis--its not so much because of his earth-shattering statements or how radical he seems, although there is that. I admire and respect his humility, and am inspired by his capacity to love.

Some will criticize the papacy, as they have the right to do so, but for me, and for others, Pope Francis brings much needed relief, and I am looking forward to what he has in store for the Church.

On Being Brave

Thank you, Kathleen Kelly, for that wonderfully accurate description of me at this particular point of my life.

A question that I keep coming back to in regards to my pursuit of a career in publishing is whether or not I actually want to do it. At this point in my life, I feel like I should start to cultivate something more permanent and stable. And given the loss of certain idealist mentalities, I decided that it wasn't so much the what of all but simply the act of committing that I needed to embrace. It's not the end of the world if your job or career isn't something you love, despite what people say about not ever working a day in their lives when you do the thing you love. That was, unfortunately or fortunately, the belief I carried around with me for a long time. I saw settling for something stable, secure, and expected as being a sell-out, choosing the comfortable life over the meaningful one.

But let's be real here. There is too much chance in the world, and people too complex, for life to be so black and white. A meaningful life can be made, found, created, stumbled upon in infinite and abundant ways.

And while I wish I had a single driving force and focus of my life, I acknowledge that I simply don't. I have, to my credit and despair, several interests. Books being one of them. I don't need my job to be the thing that defines me. Because it doesn't. It is a means or even a part, of what I hope will be a small, but meaningful life.

But I still can't help but wonder if I'm romanticizing publishing. I love to read. Books are incredibly important to me and the life I lead. And so I can't help but wonder if I actually want to get into publishing, or if its something I think is logical for me, or if I just think it would be super awesome to work in publishing. The reason I keep coming back to this question is because I still don't know that much about the book world, and don't read as much as I should, and how can I dedicate myself so wholeheartedly to publishing when I don't know what's its about. I can't really see myself working up the ladder, mingling and networking, to be successful in the book world. I can't envision going to work everyday at a publishing house.

Do I do it because I love it, or because I haven't been brave?

Some people might call what I've done by coming out here as being brave. But it's not bravery, it's foolishness. Going all in on something is hardly new to me. A good friend kindly pointed out to me several years ago that once I get an idea in my head, I'm stubborn enough to not let go of it and to throw myself into whatever it is. At whatever cost.

Being brave would entail something else entirely. It would entail, I would think, not feeling like a fraud all of the time. It would entail diving into something you know you could do for years on end, something you could envision yourself doing. It would entail not doubting yourself and not caring about not having all of the skills necessary because, damn it, this is IT for you.

That's what I think, at least.

And it seems like I haven't let go of my idealist ways after all.

You've Got Mail: a Visit to the Upper West Side

One of my favorite movies to watch come fall is You've Got Mail. New York looks so beautiful in the film, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are just the cutest, there's that great opening sequence with The Cranberries playing that can't help but put you in a good mood, and oh yeah, the movie is about books! Okay fine, maybe not about books, but the book industry plays a huge part in the film. In any case, the movie has almost all my favorite things in it--including Mr. Darcy :)

(doesn't this just make you hopeful and ready to take on the day? The Cranberries-- Dream)

The other day, my co-worker and I were chatting and realized that we both love the movie. After a bout of gushing, she told me that I should do a You've Got Mail self-guided tour of the upper west side. I am ashamed to think that I've live in New York for this long and the thought never crossed my mind. Excited and armed with directions to different set locations for the film, I made my way uptown on the 1 to the 86th street stop.

1. Cafe Lalo: 83rd street between Broadway and Amsterdam 

movieland:

Out of all the set locations, I wanted to visit Cafe Lalo the most because it just looks like the perfect cafe, both inside and out. The twinkle/ fairy/ Christmas lights, which can look gaudy in the wrong hands, come across as being utterly charming. For all my expectations, the cafe looked so so similar to the way it did in the movie, I was expecting Tom Hanks to walk in any minute.

in real life:

"She had to be! She had to be!"

Sad to say that I didn't have my copy of Pride & Prejudice with me, nor did NY152 approach my table, but I did enjoy a few hours of reading in the cafe while partaking in their amazing desserts. Watching the scene again, I find it funny that the cafe is so quiet, because in real life it is bustling and busy with the ever present din of its patrons. TIP: they serve their brunch menu everyday until 4pm!

2. Zabar's : on Broadway in between 80th and 81st street

I've heard wonderful, bordering on legendary, things about Zabar's. Just wandering the aisles, I was sorely tempted to buy wedges of cheese, fresh pasta, and about 10 pounds of coffeecake. Everything looked delicious, and it made me wish I didn't so far away from this super duper grocery store.

movieland:

in real life:

"zip, zip." 

3. Starbucks: on the corner of 81st street and Broadway

Yes, by now that novelty of Starbucks has well-worn away, but this Starbiz' involvement in the movie somehow made it seem more magical than the rest of the thousands of locations in NY. 

movieland:

(how amazing does Meg Ryan dress in this movie? this simple & clean white button down <3)

in real ife:

"Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino."

I wanted to visit was Riverside park, where Joe and Kathleen meet near the end of the film (no spoilers for those of you who haven't seen it, lol), and Kathleen's apartment, but I got caught up in two bookstores on my way over than by the time I left the second store, it was already dark. Oops. 

(Went to B&N, and found this section: teen paranormal romance. I don't know what the world is coming to.)

And I didn't want to visit every location for different reasons--the FOX Books exterior isn't located on the upper west side, but rather in Chelsea, and I've heard that the exterior of The Shop Around the Corner is now a dry cleaners and if that isn't the most depressing thing ever then I don't know what is. I'll have to wait another day to visit other locations--and another trip to Lalo! 

 When I was speaking with my co-worker, we both reminisced about logging onto AOL, dial-up connection and all, and the novelty of AIM. And how You've Got Mail is, in many ways, so dated now but when the movie came out (15 years ago in 1998!), it was when connecting with people online was all the newest rage. We got to thinking about if it were possible for something like Joe and Kathleen's online romance could even happen nowadays, when everyone is just so connected and everything is available online. Sadly, we came to the conclusion that it probably wouldn't happen--or that it couldn't happen. The way people communicate has changed, where they are more likely to text or snapchat than email, and having an anonymous internet pen pal is more creepy than unique. And although people message each other all the time on OKCupid and the like, those conversations always happen under the understanding that they are communicating with each other for dating purposes. Ahh, long gone are the days of chat rooms and a/s/l.

Still, I love You've Got Mail and visiting the set locations made me giddy. I love that almost all locations are actually in the upper west side (New York is beautifullll). Now I can't wait to settle in for the night and watch the movie, because really, after all that, how could I not? 

the Low Down: Korean makeup/beauty products & my Holy Grail

Over the past few years it seems to me that Korean/ Asian makeup products have become more known and available in American markets. Undoubtedly this has to do with the hallyu wave and the K-dramas and K-pop groups that feature the flawless, perfect young things all sporting that poreless look achieved by that miracle product: BB cream. Americanized and Europeanized BB creams can now be found in any drugstore or high-end retailer under brands like Flower (Drew Barrymore's line for Walmart) and Dior.

But Asian makeup is so much more than BB cream.* In this post, I'll run down a few of my favorite Korean makeup houses and products therein.

(Makeup houses in Myeongdong, cr. visitkorea.or.kr)

But first, a few notes on the Korean makeup houses/brands. Anyone can tell you that makeup and beauty products are a serious business in Korea, and a single street can have anywhere from 5-10 makeup houses all lined up right next to one another. But Teacher, you ask me, which house/brand is the best? I don't think one house/brand is overall better than another. It basically comes down to packaging, brand loyalty, and standout products. Etude House, arguably, has the cutest packaging. People have their favorite brands and stick to them as to not have to deal with the intimidating task of venturing out and exploring all the other brands out there. And then there are the standout products. What I mean by this is that when you aren't loyal to a single brand, or maybe loyal or several brands, you shop around for the standout products of each house. For instance, I myself tend to stay loyal to a few brands, so I love the face products from TONY MOLY, the nail polishes from ETUDE HOUSE, BB cream from MISSHA, and face masks from OLIVE YOUNG.

For a breakdown of Cosme Road (Cosmetics Road) in Myeongdong, check out the feature on K-Beauty on visitkorea. And without further ado...

(A recent beauty haul courtesy of Erica, Julie, and Andrea)

My Korean Makeup / Beauty Product HG (Holy Grail):

1. Masks: MEDIHEAL Tea Tree Healing Solution Essential Mask

If you're even a tiny bit familiar with Asian beauty products, you've probably seen these somewhere before, or maybe you've even been gifted them by a good friend recently returned from Asia. Basically, these are sheets of cotton in the shape of a face, soaked in all sorts of wonderful face serums. After washing your face, you put the mask on, laugh at how monster-like you appear, and continue to do so for about 20 minutes. After peeling the mask off, pat the residual serum into your skin with clean fingers.

(Erica and I clearly having too much fun)

2. BB cream: MISSHA M Perfect Cover BB Cream (No. 23)

The BB in BB cream stands for Blemish Balm. Word is that BB creams were invented to help cover and treat severe scarring. Thus, BB creams are both makeup and a treatment cream. BB creams these days a packed with all sorts of promises: SPF, anti-wrinkle, whitening, anti-aging, moisturizing, oil control, etc. But the reason why I love BB cream so much is that it has medium coverage that feels weightless, and more importantly, looks like real skin. When I wear BB cream, I feel like my skin can still breathe. The finish isn’t cakey and I don’t need to layer it on think to get the coverage I need.

I had the opportunity to test out several BB creams when I was in Korea, and Missha’s is by far my favorite. A complaint about BB creams is that it only comes in one or two light shades. Missha has 5 shades to pick from—and if you get a shade too light for you, mix it with some foundation—but overall, I feel like Missha’s formula suits me and my body chemistry the best. I do have the Skin79 BB cream that everyone seems to adore, and while the Skin79 one is a good product, I still prefer my Missha BB cream.

One final note on BB creams. A lot of westernized BB creams are now widely available, but on the whole, Asian BB creams are really different from American BB creams. The American versions are more like tinted moisturizers (a la Laura Mercier). And now there’s CC creams popping up in stores where the CC stands for Color Correcting, and supposedly targets different issues than American BB creams. All of this sounds like a headache and I’ll just stick to my Asian BB creams that give me the best of all worlds, thank you very much.

3. Face mask ("Pack" in Korean): TONY MOLY Eggpore Tightening Pack

This pack is the second “step” in a 3 step-eggpore process. Everyone talks about the first step, the blackhead out oil gel, but I’ve found that I like the tightening pack better. I have yet to try the third product, the pore covering balm, but I’ve heard interesting and good things about it. Also, with all these eggpore products come in similar egg-shaped containers that contain plant seeds so that you can reuse the container as a pot to grow your plant in.

This pack is a clay mask that has egg whites and Camilla extracts to deeply cleanse pores. Now, there’s no way to make your pores shrink; there’s only reducing the appearance of them. When you use this pack you do concentrate the product on the skin near your nose (where people tend to have the most visible pores) for 20 minutes until the clay mask dries. Wash away with warm water.

You do feel a “tightening” sensation, but that is due more to the drying mask than your pores actually becoming smaller. Still, I think this is a good mask and I like that it’s a product specifically used to target cleaning the large pores on your face. My skin and pores feel extra squeaky clean after I finish using it.

4. Hand lotion: MISSHA Moist 24 Hand Cream 

(almost gone!)

Hands down my favorite hand cream. It has manuka honey and sunflower extract to nourish and give nutrients to your skin and the formula is really long lasting (maybe not 24 hours though). I really love how the lotion feels on my skin. It has almost a gel-like consistency out of the tube that absorbs quickly and makes my skin feel soft and hydrated without feeling slimy, sticky, or filmy. And it’s scent is exactly how I like lotions to smell: nothing too strong or flower or sweet, but just a subtle scent of freshness that refreshes. When I started to run out of my tubes, I luckily had friends send some over from Korea to replenish my stock!

The next two products from Etude House have been all the rage lately and have a billion reviews online so I won’t go into too much detail.

5. Lipstick: ETUDE HOUSE My Blooming Lips Lipsticks

(love the detail. Shade is OR202)

These lipsticks have great pigmentation and a lovely scent. Although their staying power isn’t super long lasting, they don’t dry out your lips and apply so well because of their super creamy formula. They come in awesome colors in cute packaging.

6. Nail polish: ETUDE HOUSE Ice Cream Nails Nail polish

(in colors: Strawberry and Green apple)

I said that Etude House could quite possibly have the best/cutest packaging of all the makeup houses in Korea, and this just proves that fact. It’s nail polish that looks like ice cream cones. Again, it’s nail polish that looks like ice cream cones. ICE CREAM CONES.Fun colors in great opaque formulas that are good for summer and spring months. But seriously, I like to collect them just for the cuteness factor alone.

And there you have it, my Korean makeup products HG. There are a lot of other products that I enjoy, but haven't quite made it to my HG list yet. As I run through my residual products from Korea, and explore more products, I'll probably do an update sometime later. Also, if anyone has questions on brands or are curious about different products, feel free to ask! :) 

*Obviously, Asian makeup products are not merely comprised of Korean products, but since these are the products I know best, I'm writing about those.