You've Got Mail: a Visit to the Upper West Side

One of my favorite movies to watch come fall is You've Got Mail. New York looks so beautiful in the film, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are just the cutest, there's that great opening sequence with The Cranberries playing that can't help but put you in a good mood, and oh yeah, the movie is about books! Okay fine, maybe not about books, but the book industry plays a huge part in the film. In any case, the movie has almost all my favorite things in it--including Mr. Darcy :)

(doesn't this just make you hopeful and ready to take on the day? The Cranberries-- Dream)

The other day, my co-worker and I were chatting and realized that we both love the movie. After a bout of gushing, she told me that I should do a You've Got Mail self-guided tour of the upper west side. I am ashamed to think that I've live in New York for this long and the thought never crossed my mind. Excited and armed with directions to different set locations for the film, I made my way uptown on the 1 to the 86th street stop.

1. Cafe Lalo: 83rd street between Broadway and Amsterdam 

movieland:

Out of all the set locations, I wanted to visit Cafe Lalo the most because it just looks like the perfect cafe, both inside and out. The twinkle/ fairy/ Christmas lights, which can look gaudy in the wrong hands, come across as being utterly charming. For all my expectations, the cafe looked so so similar to the way it did in the movie, I was expecting Tom Hanks to walk in any minute.

in real life:

"She had to be! She had to be!"

Sad to say that I didn't have my copy of Pride & Prejudice with me, nor did NY152 approach my table, but I did enjoy a few hours of reading in the cafe while partaking in their amazing desserts. Watching the scene again, I find it funny that the cafe is so quiet, because in real life it is bustling and busy with the ever present din of its patrons. TIP: they serve their brunch menu everyday until 4pm!

2. Zabar's : on Broadway in between 80th and 81st street

I've heard wonderful, bordering on legendary, things about Zabar's. Just wandering the aisles, I was sorely tempted to buy wedges of cheese, fresh pasta, and about 10 pounds of coffeecake. Everything looked delicious, and it made me wish I didn't so far away from this super duper grocery store.

movieland:

in real life:

"zip, zip." 

3. Starbucks: on the corner of 81st street and Broadway

Yes, by now that novelty of Starbucks has well-worn away, but this Starbiz' involvement in the movie somehow made it seem more magical than the rest of the thousands of locations in NY. 

movieland:

(how amazing does Meg Ryan dress in this movie? this simple & clean white button down <3)

in real ife:

"Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino."

I wanted to visit was Riverside park, where Joe and Kathleen meet near the end of the film (no spoilers for those of you who haven't seen it, lol), and Kathleen's apartment, but I got caught up in two bookstores on my way over than by the time I left the second store, it was already dark. Oops. 

(Went to B&N, and found this section: teen paranormal romance. I don't know what the world is coming to.)

And I didn't want to visit every location for different reasons--the FOX Books exterior isn't located on the upper west side, but rather in Chelsea, and I've heard that the exterior of The Shop Around the Corner is now a dry cleaners and if that isn't the most depressing thing ever then I don't know what is. I'll have to wait another day to visit other locations--and another trip to Lalo! 

 When I was speaking with my co-worker, we both reminisced about logging onto AOL, dial-up connection and all, and the novelty of AIM. And how You've Got Mail is, in many ways, so dated now but when the movie came out (15 years ago in 1998!), it was when connecting with people online was all the newest rage. We got to thinking about if it were possible for something like Joe and Kathleen's online romance could even happen nowadays, when everyone is just so connected and everything is available online. Sadly, we came to the conclusion that it probably wouldn't happen--or that it couldn't happen. The way people communicate has changed, where they are more likely to text or snapchat than email, and having an anonymous internet pen pal is more creepy than unique. And although people message each other all the time on OKCupid and the like, those conversations always happen under the understanding that they are communicating with each other for dating purposes. Ahh, long gone are the days of chat rooms and a/s/l.

Still, I love You've Got Mail and visiting the set locations made me giddy. I love that almost all locations are actually in the upper west side (New York is beautifullll). Now I can't wait to settle in for the night and watch the movie, because really, after all that, how could I not? 

Thoughts from CA: A Feeling of Home

I've written at length at how worried I had been about coming home from Korea to find that my hometown no longer felt like my hometown. It might have been born out of necessity, but in the weeks and months leading up to my final departure from the ROK, I was so looking forward to coming home and experiencing all that was good and comforting about my hometown. I was eager to celebrate everything that was different from Korea and Seoul. And I wanted that elusive but intimate feeling of belonging. I mean, I was about to turn in everything I had going for me in Korea and travel thousands of miles away... there had to be something to make it worth my while. I did try, I swear I did, to temper my enthusiasm so I wouldn't feel too disappointed when the romanticized idea of my triumphant return didn't pan out to be what I wanted it to be. But as with everything, hope survives.

And so it should come as no surprise to anyone that the reality of my homecoming was slightly different that my expectations. My biggest worry--that I would not actually feel that sense of belonging--came true and I felt strange and awkward in my hometown. I felt too big, too fast, too loud, and the city too small, too quiet, too slow. I was out of sorts.

I didn't want to move to New York. That wasn't the plan. I wanted to sink my heels in California and start to build my life there. So I wasn't thrilled to come to New York, but I am so so glad I did. As with all travels, you often discover the most about yourself through the unexpected and the unplanned, and sometimes you end up being in the place you didn't know you most needed to be.

It was a couple days into my week in California, during the rehearsal dinner for wedding #2, and the bride-to-be's father and the groom-to-be were giving short speeches to all the family and friends that had gathered in the big room of a local restaurant. That intimate warmth of family and friends--of belonging, of happiness and joy, of home--permeated the atmosphere that made smiles and laughter contagious among all our faces. It hit me then, so profoundly and so assuredly, the feeling of belonging that had eluded me until then. It wasn't my family that I was surrounded by, but in a very real way, I was. These were people to whom I had a lifetime of connections with, people who rooted me to San Diego and made the place come alive. No matter where my travels took me, they gave me a reason to always come back home, they kept my feet grounded in a place that was real; they didn't let me float aimlessly forever. Finally, finally, and I was overcome with gratitude that I still had a place here. That I still belonged.

I also realized that I'm grateful to New York. As much as I felt out of sorts in San Diego, I felt nearly at home in New York. People are often surprised that I am not head over heels in love with New York, or that I am not, at the very least, amazed or impressed by the city. I am, frequently and often, impressed by New York. New York is a very impressive place. But for me, New York has served as a transition city and has been instrumental in my reacclimatization. It's a big enough city to make me feel small again, and gives me all the luxuries I had grown used to in living in Seoul, and yet, it is still in the US. I don't think there's another city in the US that could have helped my with my reverse-cultural shock in the way that New York has. I credit me returning to equilibrium as quickly as I have to being in this city. As I said, it was exactly where I needed to be.

That being said, I am so in love with California. This time around, I was really able to take in everything about my hometown and feel immensely attached to it. As many times as I've boarded planes at the San Diego International Airport to leave it all behind, I have to say that stepping through security this last time to come back to New York was one of the hardest trips I've had to do. I wasn't ready to go; I didn't want to leave. I had just reclaimed my love for CA and been claimed by it, and I honestly toyed with the idea of just not getting on the plane.

So where does that leave me? I feel like now, everything is geared towards finding my way back in California. It's the place I so desperately want to be.

A saturday afternoon

After the storms from Andrea, Saturday was gorgeous. Headed WAAAY up north to visit the cloisters & gardens and everything there was beautiful. Also tried to get some much heard about cronuts (cross between donuts and croissants) from Dominuqe Ansel bakery, but they were sold out! Although I came for the cronuts, I stayed because of the chicken sausage dijon cabbage amazingness aka the best sandwich I've had in the last month.

a tale of two jobs

I came to New York for an internship. I wanted to try something new and wanted to see what else I could do. After a month at the job, I’m still feeling noobish, and I can’t help but think that I may not be cut out for the field after all. As inexperienced as I am, I also think that I may be missing something–a kind of instinct, perhaps?–where I not only lack confidence in my choices due to the fact that my gauge is all messed up. Even though I’ve been back in the US for 2 months, I feel like I’m still so far away. I am disassociated with my home culture and can’t comment on a lot of things because I honestly can’t. I feel like I should do and read and catch myself up with what is going on–to get my fingers back on the pulse of society–but I have been so exhausted with just trying to get through everything I need to do each day. I know that sounds like an excuse, and it feels like one, but I struggle with so much daily, from my apartment situation (I just moved, again!) to my financial situation, that by the time I get home, there’s nothing I want more than to let my mind rest and waste on tumblr or instagram.

 So while I’m feeling still out of sorts with my internship, I just got hired at another job unrelated to publishing. It’s actually an ESL related job, but not a teaching position. I am a “product developer” but really just a test writer. It’s been months since I’ve stepped back into my teacher/esl shoes, but like all well-worn pairs, they were the perfect fit. While I’ve never thought I was a particularly skilled or wonderful teacher of ESL, through the training process, I was able to see just how much I’ve actually learned over the years to the point where it felt like I was the most experienced of the group. We all have our strengths, and the other new-hires have better writing skills than I do, better editing skills than I do, but in terms of classroom experience and practical application of materials, it felt like I had a lot to offer. The ESL job was something that I stumbled upon and fit all my prerequisites, so while I wasn’t exactly looking to get back into ESL, I thought that applying for the position couldn’t hurt. And I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the result. Honestly, it isn’t too different from the non-teaching aspect of what I was doing in my last year in Korea, and it feels great to feel like I have some command over what I’m doing.

I thought about it and interestingly enough, I don’t know a ton of NSETs who have used their experience to propel them into a career of ESL once they get back home. A lot of NSETs who enjoyed teaching ESL in Korea come back and are all eager to get teaching certificates, only to find that they don’t actually like teaching English–they liked teaching English in Korea. It’s a small, but important distinction. I know people who figure out that their heart just isn’t into it in the way that it was back in Korea. And sometimes, their experience just doesn’t translate that well into a position in their home countries. Either way, I actually don’t know of anyone who has gone back home and has continued with ESL. And again, I feel terribly grateful about my time in Korea and what I was able to do there. I large part of my recognizes that I probably wouldn’t have gotten this job if it hadn’t been for me teaching at a university and having experience with writing exams and administering assessment tests. If I had taught in middle school, or stayed at the high school level, I wouldn’t have been expected to create exam materials (except for maybe speaking tests). And then, I couldn’t have taught at the university level if it wasn’t for my MA degree. In a surprising twist of fate, it seems like the path that’s best open/suited for me is one related to ESL. I complain a lot that I have a hodgepodge of experience that doesn’t lead me anywhere… except that I’ve recently learned that in the world of ESL at least, without me even knowing or planning, I’ve been climbing this ladder. I, indeed, have a path available to me.

This complicates my life only in the sense that, well, I want to be good at the work that I do. I want to be confident and capable in my job. And, let’s be honest, I would also like to get paid for the work that I do, especially in this city. For the ESL job, I’m only working part-time (and part-time at the internship), but there’s an opportunity to go full-time once my project is completed, probably in late August/September. About the same time as when I planned to end my internship. I think I’ll give myself until then to see what my options are. If I continue to suck at my internship and can’t see a viable future for me in that field, or if I come to find that I really like working at this particular ESL company, I’ll go in that direction. If I figure more things out in publishing and don’t suck and really enjoy it, then I’ll continue to pursue it. Either way, I’m giving myself until the end of summer because I don’t want to make a decision too soon (not that I can at the moment though). But really, I’m surprised that I’m back in ESL again–no one is more surprised than me, let me tell you. Oh, and my office is in the Empire State Building. It’s one pretty awesome perk.

Empire State of Mind

I had, and to a certain extent still have, a lot of reservations about moving to and living and working in New York. I have never considered myself a city girl, despite growing up in the US's 8th largest city and then transplanting myself to the megacity that is Seoul. I love the slowness, the openness, the nature, and the pronounced easy-going-ness that colored my youth and is typical of southern California. The terrible thing that I discovered, upon my return to CA after years in Seoul, was that everything felt too slow, too relaxed, too small. Living abroad had changed me and I couldn't --refused to-- believe it. I didn't even fully admit this to myself until I stepped onto the sidewalks of New York, taxi cabs flying by my feet and the surge of pedestrians quickening my pace, that I felt that familiar lull. I am by no means at all at home in New York, and the energy of the city is definitely one of a kind, but there is something so fittingly comforting in being in a big city again. Instead of being overwhelmed, as I was afraid I was going to be, surprisingly, I was comforted. It amazes me still.

I'm finally feeling more settled with my living situation, although I am still crashing at a friend's place. After what seemed like ages of combing through listings, narrowing down boroughs and neighborhoods I wanted to be in, and visiting different apartments, I think I found a place that really suits me. I was almost set on living in Brooklyn, almost put down money on a place that was totally fine and a great deal in a good neighborhood. But then I visited a different area on the strength of a suggestion from a friend, and when I got off the train and walked its tree-lined streets and saw the parks and the charming homes and quirky cafes, I knew I had to live there. It was love at first sight and it's true what they say, you just know :)

Lastly, work has been great. I only worked 2 days this week but already I'm learning so so much and my bosses are so good about being patient with me and thoroughly explaining processes. They are heavy on the education aspect of this internship and I'm so so happy I decided to come out to New York for this opportunity. I'm still nervous and want so desperately to do a good job and not mess up, and everyone has been so wonderful that I don't want to let them down. More than anything, I'm so excited for the work that I do. Any lingering doubts in my mind about this new career path are slowly being assuaged. It is a comforting feeling, even as I stumble my way through it all.

And yes, I know I've been super corny with my post titles, but I couldn't resist :)