Thanksgiving 2013

It's been a few years since I've been able to celebrate Thanksgiving in a traditional way. When you live abroad, you just can't cook the way you do here in the states, and while that usually isn't a problem (and more often than not a benefit), when it gets to be the holidays you start craving the comforts of home. In Korea, generally speaking, Turkey is not generally found and that kinda puts a damper on your Thanksgiving plans if you're planning on celebrating it. The way my friends and I got around this issue was by having access to the U.S. military base in Seoul, which offers a basic Thanksgiving set from the lodge. It's so appreciated, but last Thanksgiving my friend Andrea and I definitely had to scramble to the convenient store downstairs to try and find something to make gravy out of (I think we used some canned soup and a hamburger meat + sauce meal that came in a packet, lol).

Thanksgiving 2012: Trying to open a bottle of wine + trying to make gravy. Seoul, South Korea.

So you can imagine that this year I was going to go all out with Thanksgiving (it's high ranking up there on my list of favorite holidays). Usually, I do a lot of the cooking, but this year I took it upon myself to cook everything.

• Turkey + Gravy
• Baked Ham
• Roasted Potatoes
• Corn
• Green Bean Casserole
• Sweet Potatoes
• Apple Stuffing
• Pumpkin Cheesecake

But then my mom decided last minute to make pasta and short ribs. It was a LOT of food, luckily it was more a long day of prep work and crossing things off one at a time than frantic cooking.

Woke up to a pink dawn :)

First casualty of the day. My knife skills are not what they used to be!

The beginnings of apple stuffing.

The beginnings of garlic rosemary roasted potatoes.

The end result of the baked ham.

Marshmellowssss

I tried to take pictures as I went along buy mostly I forgot kkkk and by the time I remembered everything was half eaten and looked like a group of wild savages had just destroyed everything and nobody wants to see pictures of that. I was just happy I was able to get everything done in a timely matter, and that, for the most part, everything tasted good. Or at least it did to me:) And more importantly, it was wonderful to spend the day with family and friends. Especially family. I hadn't seen some of my cousins since my sister's wedding last November, and even then, I was only in town for 3 days so I couldn't even spend quality time with them. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but they're all so grown up now and like, actual people. Bizarre.

And what better way to kick of the gift giving season than by Black Friday shopping? If I'm going to live the cliche, I might as well do it properly :)

To you and yours, wishing you a very happy Thanksgiving <3

Thoughts from CA: These are my people!

One of my favorite traveling experiences happens whenever I get to the gate in an airport terminal that leads me home. There are few things I love more than arriving at that gate and settling into a pleather seat. Yes, it is literally the gateway that will lead me home, but more than that, I love being surrounded by other people also heading to San Diego. 

I've been on a lot of flights bound for San Diego, and even within California itself, there's nothing quite like the feeling of the people who are on a flight bound for my hometown. Maybe I'm a bit biased here, but people just feel friendlier, seem happier, and are visibly excited. Also, there is an energy in the air that is less crazy and more relaxed, as if everyone is collectively breathing a sigh of relief for making it back home. 

Of course, there's still the crazy. Being the tourist city that it is, you do get the people who are flying in for a visit, those who are, of course, welcomed, but they inhale when the rest of us are exhaling. I've been asked this so many times about what is particularly interesting to do or see in San Diego, but that's not it. The best thing about San Diego isn't what you do there, it's being there. It's a state of mind. 

So when I arrive at the gate and see all the other people waiting to board, I like that moment when I settle into the atmosphere of people like me, hearing their conversations of the times and places all of which I know intimately, which I carry with me wherever it is that I go.

Thoughts from CA: A Feeling of Home

I've written at length at how worried I had been about coming home from Korea to find that my hometown no longer felt like my hometown. It might have been born out of necessity, but in the weeks and months leading up to my final departure from the ROK, I was so looking forward to coming home and experiencing all that was good and comforting about my hometown. I was eager to celebrate everything that was different from Korea and Seoul. And I wanted that elusive but intimate feeling of belonging. I mean, I was about to turn in everything I had going for me in Korea and travel thousands of miles away... there had to be something to make it worth my while. I did try, I swear I did, to temper my enthusiasm so I wouldn't feel too disappointed when the romanticized idea of my triumphant return didn't pan out to be what I wanted it to be. But as with everything, hope survives.

And so it should come as no surprise to anyone that the reality of my homecoming was slightly different that my expectations. My biggest worry--that I would not actually feel that sense of belonging--came true and I felt strange and awkward in my hometown. I felt too big, too fast, too loud, and the city too small, too quiet, too slow. I was out of sorts.

I didn't want to move to New York. That wasn't the plan. I wanted to sink my heels in California and start to build my life there. So I wasn't thrilled to come to New York, but I am so so glad I did. As with all travels, you often discover the most about yourself through the unexpected and the unplanned, and sometimes you end up being in the place you didn't know you most needed to be.

It was a couple days into my week in California, during the rehearsal dinner for wedding #2, and the bride-to-be's father and the groom-to-be were giving short speeches to all the family and friends that had gathered in the big room of a local restaurant. That intimate warmth of family and friends--of belonging, of happiness and joy, of home--permeated the atmosphere that made smiles and laughter contagious among all our faces. It hit me then, so profoundly and so assuredly, the feeling of belonging that had eluded me until then. It wasn't my family that I was surrounded by, but in a very real way, I was. These were people to whom I had a lifetime of connections with, people who rooted me to San Diego and made the place come alive. No matter where my travels took me, they gave me a reason to always come back home, they kept my feet grounded in a place that was real; they didn't let me float aimlessly forever. Finally, finally, and I was overcome with gratitude that I still had a place here. That I still belonged.

I also realized that I'm grateful to New York. As much as I felt out of sorts in San Diego, I felt nearly at home in New York. People are often surprised that I am not head over heels in love with New York, or that I am not, at the very least, amazed or impressed by the city. I am, frequently and often, impressed by New York. New York is a very impressive place. But for me, New York has served as a transition city and has been instrumental in my reacclimatization. It's a big enough city to make me feel small again, and gives me all the luxuries I had grown used to in living in Seoul, and yet, it is still in the US. I don't think there's another city in the US that could have helped my with my reverse-cultural shock in the way that New York has. I credit me returning to equilibrium as quickly as I have to being in this city. As I said, it was exactly where I needed to be.

That being said, I am so in love with California. This time around, I was really able to take in everything about my hometown and feel immensely attached to it. As many times as I've boarded planes at the San Diego International Airport to leave it all behind, I have to say that stepping through security this last time to come back to New York was one of the hardest trips I've had to do. I wasn't ready to go; I didn't want to leave. I had just reclaimed my love for CA and been claimed by it, and I honestly toyed with the idea of just not getting on the plane.

So where does that leave me? I feel like now, everything is geared towards finding my way back in California. It's the place I so desperately want to be.

Scenes from San Diego: 06/21-07/01

A Californian in New York...and Anywhere Else

"Where are you from?"

That question can evoke a myriad of responses, all of them true. When I was in California, I would say that I was from San Diego. When I was in Philadelphia, I'd say that I was from California. When I was overseas, I'd say I was from America. I would change my answers based on my present location.

Having been abroad and having been fortunate to meet a variety of wonderful people from all over the world, I am always a bit surprised by their reaction from where I say I'm from. If I say "America," it is usually not a good enough answer.

"Where in the US?" they inquire.

"California," I answer.

And here is where I usually get that first spark of interest, that little flash of recognition in their eyes. Here is where there's usually some comment about how amazing/awesome/cool/great California is. I don't disagree so I smile with acknowledged pride.

It can even happen among other Americans.

"Oh, where in California?" those that are a bit more savvy ask.

"I'm from San Diego," I reply.

And here is where there's usually a more lustful look that crosses their faces. I can see what they are imagining in their mind's eye. Sunshine for days, clear skies, a hint of a breeze. A little slice of heaven.

They proceed to tell me about a sister/brother/cousin/mother who lives out there are just. loves. it. And how they think I'm crazy for ever leaving. I don't disagree, so I smile and acknowledge their comment.

But it isn't just about a name. I've never in my life felt more Californian. I wouldn't have thought much of it, except that it is constantly pointed out to me. I'm too smiley, I'm too thankful, I'm too "bubbly." And I guess I say "like" an awful lot.

But I take all of these in stride and own them, because it has been to my luck, and good planning on the part of my parents, that I am able to call California home.  My first home. And San Diego, my truest love. It is a wonderful feeling that I am forever am to claim these places as my own and, for better and worse, they have informed and shaped my life and who I am.

Empire State of Mind

I had, and to a certain extent still have, a lot of reservations about moving to and living and working in New York. I have never considered myself a city girl, despite growing up in the US's 8th largest city and then transplanting myself to the megacity that is Seoul. I love the slowness, the openness, the nature, and the pronounced easy-going-ness that colored my youth and is typical of southern California. The terrible thing that I discovered, upon my return to CA after years in Seoul, was that everything felt too slow, too relaxed, too small. Living abroad had changed me and I couldn't --refused to-- believe it. I didn't even fully admit this to myself until I stepped onto the sidewalks of New York, taxi cabs flying by my feet and the surge of pedestrians quickening my pace, that I felt that familiar lull. I am by no means at all at home in New York, and the energy of the city is definitely one of a kind, but there is something so fittingly comforting in being in a big city again. Instead of being overwhelmed, as I was afraid I was going to be, surprisingly, I was comforted. It amazes me still.

I'm finally feeling more settled with my living situation, although I am still crashing at a friend's place. After what seemed like ages of combing through listings, narrowing down boroughs and neighborhoods I wanted to be in, and visiting different apartments, I think I found a place that really suits me. I was almost set on living in Brooklyn, almost put down money on a place that was totally fine and a great deal in a good neighborhood. But then I visited a different area on the strength of a suggestion from a friend, and when I got off the train and walked its tree-lined streets and saw the parks and the charming homes and quirky cafes, I knew I had to live there. It was love at first sight and it's true what they say, you just know :)

Lastly, work has been great. I only worked 2 days this week but already I'm learning so so much and my bosses are so good about being patient with me and thoroughly explaining processes. They are heavy on the education aspect of this internship and I'm so so happy I decided to come out to New York for this opportunity. I'm still nervous and want so desperately to do a good job and not mess up, and everyone has been so wonderful that I don't want to let them down. More than anything, I'm so excited for the work that I do. Any lingering doubts in my mind about this new career path are slowly being assuaged. It is a comforting feeling, even as I stumble my way through it all.

And yes, I know I've been super corny with my post titles, but I couldn't resist :)