For my ESL job, I primarily deal with test writing and the editing of text books. Hidden in all the fine print of my job description is that I should be open and willing to take on other tasks for the company, as needed. My first day on the job—my first minute on the job—I was thrown into the lion’s den, working the front desk and acting as the first point of contact when people walked in or called. Although the danger? threat? prospect? of stepping in to teach a class loomed near, I was able to somehow avoid the call. That is, until last week when I got an email from my boss asking me if I would sub for a week to replace a teacher that just wasn’t working out.
There was no way I could say no. And, to be honest, I didn't really want to. Sure, my last teaching experience wore down my spirits and tarnished my outlook in teaching English overseas, but now that some time has passed, I began to miss teaching. Or at least, interacting with students. Although I am at the centers 4 days a week, I sit in my office working on computers and with books and I don't interact with any of the students that pass my door on a daily basis.
Thus, I went home on a Tuesday evening armed with books, curriculum for the week, and a tentative lesson plan for the next day’s class. And I was up and teaching intermediate English the following day from 8am to 11am.
I could not tell you just how nervous about subbing. My natural disposition is to be nervous and I was never able to quell those first-day jitters as a student, never mind as a teacher. My butterflies were compounded by the fact that I was completely unfamiliar with the texts, the classroom, and how the center likes to run its classrooms. I arrived not knowing how many students I would have in my class, what resources I would have at my disposal, or even what the attendance policy was. That many unknown factors practically spells DISASTER for teachers because that means parts or even the whole of their lesson plan could fail and then you're left scrambling. It's one thing when I find out that something in my lesson plan doesn't work when it's my class, because I know the material and the students and can figure something out on the fly. But to be left floundering in front of a class is never good. Especially when you're a sub. You have to overcome so many things going against you before you even walk into the classroom.
Besides not knowing all the things about the class that their regular teacher would know, you have to work hard to gain their trust and hopefully, respect. The older the students are, the harder it is to get them to put their faith in you that a) you know what you're talking about, b) that the work they're doing in your class does count, and c) despite you being a sub, you care about the students and will support them for as long as you're there. In my case, it was all of these things, plus the fact that they had just gone through a teacher who didn't deliver. If anything, walking into the classroom last week I had more distrust going against me than usual.
I subbed for 4 days. The first day, as always, was the hardest, and I thought each day was better than the last until the last day when I had to say goodbye to them. They were all surprised that it would be our last day together, and while they voiced their disapproval, "Why do you leave us?" "Why do we keep changing teachers?" I knew they were also nervous about the teacher who would come after me. It's never a good thing to keep changing teachers on students, it's so disruptive. And I really felt for these students; I wouldn't want to keep adjusting to a new instructor every week. But I think the new teacher will be the one that sticks.
And I had soo much fun with the students. They were so diverse (lots of south americans and europeans, but just a few asian students!) and I loved seeing them learn from each other. They were so great and I honestly couldn't have asked for a better group of students to spend a few days with. I got a few compliments on my teaching and that made me happy because I really tried hard for them as I wanted them to have a good experience coming out of their time with the previous teacher. They could have been trying to be nice, but I appreciated the words nonetheless.
Long story short: I forgot just how exhausting teaching is! To be so mentally engaged for hours at a time! I was mush afterwards! But I also forgot just how much I actually do like being in the classroom. I'm not looking to go back in as a full-time thing just yet, but it's nice to return to every once and a while.
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